After I was diagnosed with ADHD, I experienced two vastly different emotions. Initially, there was a sense of relief that there was something going on in my mind that made me a bit different. There was actually a reason why I had a hard time completing things or why I jumped from hobby to hobby. Then there was the happiness that came with getting medication that actually quieted my mind; it was a complete life changer for me, and after those things came the grief.
I grieved for the years lost. Looking back, I finally had a reason why so many things in my life fell by the wayside. I knew why I never really tried in school or why I could never decide on what to take in university. There was finally a reason I jumped from job to job as a young adult or let friendships fall apart. I spent so much of my life thinking I was a horrible person, lazy, and could never truly succeed in anything I set my mind to complete.
I grieved for what I could have been. All the things that could have been different in my life. All the stability that could have been there if I had been diagnosed earlier in my life. All the things I could have been successful at earlier.
This part of the ADHD diagnosis was heavy. It still is at times if I allow myself to dwell on it. When I get into that mindset, I try to think about what my ADHD has allowed me to do. It has definitely helped create the person that I am today. I have had some wild experiences, some I definitely wouldn’t recommend or wish on anyone. I have been able to find new interests because I am always jumping from subject to subject. I have discovered my creative side. I have met people all over the world. I have pushed through difficult situations because I always believe there is a way to get through them; there is always a solution in my mind. Personally, I think if I didn’t have ADHD, I would have been more complacent in my life, and I wouldn’t have had all the amazing (and sometimes terrifying) experiences.
So yes, there is grief, but what my life is now and what I have learned vastly outweigh the things that didn’t happen due to my ADHD. I still have time, and I am working towards the things that I know I can now succeed at in life.