Over the last year, as I have told various people I have ADHD, it has been interesting to hear their perceptions of me. The most common one is that I don’t seem to have ADHD. Some of this may be because I am a woman, and when they first heard of ADHD, there was a misconception that it was uncommon for a woman to have ADHD or that they didn’t have it at all. Others base this perception on the fact that I can hold a job or focus on what I want and go for it. They don’t see what is happening in my head, which is probably for the best.
The hardest person on me is me. It was and still is one of my coping strategies, although it probably isn’t the healthiest one at times. I developed this strategy out of the fear of failure I developed over the years because of my perceived failures. I didn’t know what was different in my mind and why I couldn’t complete things the way others did. In my eyes, I failed often.
When focused on one area of my life, I had to keep it together to achieve what I needed, and it became my only focus to the detriment of other areas of my life. The levels of anxiety I put myself through were wild and caused me many sleepless nights. Even if I succeeded, I was never good enough; I could always find a flaw in my performance, even if no one else noticed. On the outside, I seemed calm, but on the inside, there was a constant battle.
Over the last little while, I have started working on this part of myself. I try to be kinder to myself and realize that some things take time to achieve. It is hard for me because I always feel like I need to do better and should be able to do better. I work through it and find the patience to give myself a break.
I am glad people thought I had things together and that I was succeeding in life, but sometimes I wish I could have been more open. I wish I could have shared what I was going through, but at the time, I thought no one would get it. That has changed now. Now I share what I go through or how my thought process works with ADHD. I share not because I want people to get me but because people sometimes don’t realize what others may be going through.
Hi Rebecca, it’s just me, your bunk mate, Lolly. I think you’re one of the bravest women I’ve ever met. I admire you and I really like you. Keep doing what you’re doing. I am so much like you yet so much older than you and let me tell you I wish I had it together Like you do at your age. I’m happy with who I am. Yes of course. I have regrets but what can I do about that? Absolutely nothing. So. I move forward and I am grateful for my wonderful life. Keep up the good work woman I love you , Lolly
Awww, thank you! This means so much to me. I am happy you are happy! We all have regrets and we learn from them (hopefully). Love you.